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lady gaga's trivialization of homosexuality
To/Against/For: lady gaga, colleges, radioto whom it may concern, for the sanctity of gay rights and in the memory of matthew shepard:
i am writing this letter to you as a matter of preserving gay rights, i am prepared to sue every radio station and college and high school that caters to the degradation of homosexuality, and i will say that gay people should feel slighted by "lady gaga" or any school or any organization telling young people that they were "born gay". as a gay "man," i feel slighted by the words, "you were born this way". i will copy and paste a letter i gave to one of my teachers, in hopes that people start realizing "lady gaga" and her ilk as the homosexuality-disrespecters that they are. i am prepared to sue colleges, high schools, and every LGBT organization just for their trivialization of homosexuality (but really for the defense of homosexuality).
newsflash: i am a masculivoid, gay "men" are masculivoids, we are semi-charmed kinds of "men" who should be on the inside but we are on the outside looking in. we are curious of the masculine gender not because we were inexplicably "born with" any comprehension of the masculine gender, but because of the way we have come to see and accept ourselves in relation to that masculine gender. Men, and i will capitalize, fulfill us psychologically and emotionally - Men fill the voids in our semi-charmed kinds of masculine lives. i will speak for myself when i say that by bigots telling me i was "born gay," i feel robbed of the security i'm given when i look at big strong hairy superMen - and i feel robbed because what is implied is that there is no justifiable reason for the urgency i feel when confronted by a naked Man. i'm not some kind of mindless dullard who praises Men just because he's "supposed to". i know that i have plenty of emotional baggage/reason to praise Men. and this is a warning: unless we stop regarding ourselves as "robotic" or "born this way," i fear nobody will embrace their homosexuality for what it is. and that will lead to gay-bashing ala matthew wayne shepard.
i wasn't born with any knowledge of myself or of the world around me, my name is not kreskin (though i doubt he was born with any of his knowledge). i praise Men because opposites attract. i praise Men because of the little (or GIGANTIC) eccentricities they possess (that i do not possess). i praise Men because i lack masculine gender-identity - there, i said it. i am overtaken with emotional question marks when i am surrounded by Men, i undress Men and remove what "covers" their flesh to finally "discover" masculinity. that is because, like ALL gay "men," i am a masculivoid. also because "opposites attract," which is what i learned from paula abdul in 1990.
by telling me that i was "born gay," you are insulting me and the gay "man" that i am. homosexuality is nothing physical, homosexuality cannot exist without a mind's opinions to process visions of Men. when i look at Men, i am a little boy in a candy store, my mind is opened to the possibilities of finally experiencing manhood (something my own insufficient state-of-man does not let me fully experience). let me go through the insufficiencies that still plague me.
insufficiency #1: hairy armpits. my armpits may not be smooth now, but they were for every day in gym class until i graduated high school. as early as the fourth grade, there was benny and there was keith and bradley. classmates' armpit hair berated me every day i went to school. it really hurt my self-esteem, feeling so different from the "righteous boys". to this day, a vision of hairy masculine armpits is something i embrace - for all those years, absence made my heart grow fonder.
insufficiency #2: physical ability. i may be semi-muscular now, but i was not when i was in school. i was picked last for teams in gym class, i was skinny and weak and not up-to-par with benny and keith and bradley and the rest of the athletes who were nearly praised for being themselves. or for being "real boys". i was peter pan, wanting so desperately to become a "real boy". girls were picked for teams before i was, every day i heard what this was telling me: "you are not as good as the other boys, you are even weaker than some girls". it really hurt my self-esteem, feeling so different from the "righteous boys". to this day, my masculine interests lie with those big strong athletic types.
insufficiency #3: self-image. the above insufficiencies are what led me to feeling "less than zero," which was just one of the movies on cable when i was a boy that i recorded in order to get a glimpse of shirtless masculinity. i guess scenes from "cocoon" with hairy-chested steve guttenberg in the pool is what provided me with the one of the holiest experiences of my childhood. reverence and awe. it really hurt my self-esteem, feeling so left out and "less than zero".
as a fully grown gay "man," gay male or gay person, i have come to accept the "less than zero" feelings of my youth - i embrace them. i embrace them because without them, i would not be the "man" i am today. i am apt to put "man" in quotes when describing myself, simply because of that "less than zero" feeling that plagued me throughout my school days. i wrote a parody of third eye blind's "i want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life (baby, baby)" as "i want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kind of mas (culine 'xistence)" in honor of the reasons i am gay. and i don't want any false kreskin telling me that there is no justifiable reason for the way i look to Men.
there was an ad for a drug called "femimore" that was supposed to increase the size and voluptuous roundness of a female's backside. i have never EVER been sexually attracted to females, but this female's behind just made me wanna slide my erect tool in between those asscheeks and rub it against them until it vomited sperm. big and strong and round and firm behinds have been the epitome of "strong" to me, ever since i saw the blond standing in the nashville ymca whirlpool and showing off his backside to everyone in the sauna behind him. i was so turned on that i started masturbating, which was so inappropriate that i heard the others in the sauna snickering. now, being that masculinity is seen as the stronger gender to anyone with any concept of gender (or the physical strength that testosterone is responsible for), it is only elemental that my seeing the "femimore" model's voluptuous and strong-looking ass lended itself to my own sexual cravings for images of strength - which lends itself to the understanding that sexual arousal is something that must be cultivated or given a reason to be...rather than something that is pre-cultivated (or genetic). if i did not feel like a masculine slight as a boy, i wouldn't be praising any perfect specimen of manly strength today. if i had no reason to regard physical strength and muscle as a big deal when i was young, if i did not desire to be more like the football jocks who everyone desired, i can certainly guarantee that an apathy of jocks wouldn't have been cultivated into sexual desire for jocks. if i found no reason to let Men "turn my head," to take a song by the group called LIVE, i'd have no reason to "turn my head".
i was approached by a police officer in pennsylvania years ago. being around him still puts me in an altered state of consciousness, he is the image of what my years on earth have deemed a "perfect specimen of manhood," and it is not exactly pornography since he is always in uniform...but, like porn (and what i've read about meth), it is a dopamine release and it makes me feel so...high. some people suck crystal meth for the dopamine release (the crux of matthew shepard's murder), some people suck Men (not the crux of matthew shepard's murder), this is why i consider them both drugs.
"lady gaga" is a false kreskin, gay rights organizations are false kreskins, they are doing damage to homosexuality with the words "born this way," and i am fully prepared to sue them all for the degradation and trivialization of homosexuality.
sincerely,
dylan terreri, i
www.jaggedlittledyl.com, LLC
ps, i don't think i mentioned my "traumatic brain-injury," which was not a cause of the "less than zero" feeling i had, though it definitely added to what was already there. it is well-documented at www.dylansbraininjury.com (and www.jaggedlittledyl.com) through 600 song parodies and 2 1/2 screenplays, shirts, stickers and satire...but i don't think i have to say how such a debilitating injury could further justify the need for a "real man".
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